I felt terrible. Mother's silence - her refusing even to look at me, as if my mere image hurt her eyes - was worse than physical punishment. I desperately longed to please her, to once again have her smile at me and hug me and kiss me and make me feel loved. But her stony silence continued - as did my misery.Then one day, when I returned from school, mother called me into her bedroom. It was the first time she had spoken to me in a week. Feeling like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders, I bounded up the stairs. When I entered her room I discovered she wasn't alone. Mother was standing up. Seated at her vanity was her friend Margie. Both were wearing heavy makeup, form-fitting sweaters and skirts, and ultra-high heels."Come here, dear," said mother with an inviting smile. She gave me a warm maternal hug. "Margie and I were thinking, sweetie, how much fun it would be to help you play dress up. You'd like that, wouldn't youdear? Playing dress up in mommy's pretty clothes?. "We offered to exempt Eric from The Program, but he wanted to go through with it." Let's get it over with," he chuckled. "Let 'em see me in all my chemo-ravaged glory. That way, I'll only have to answer all the questions all at once."He seemed to be taking this well. This made one of us.I had to ask. I didn't want to, but I had to ask. "Did they give you a prognosis?" Good," he said. "Better than fifty percent. Well, what the Doc said was 'well better than fifty percent'. You know those guys, they won't put a better number on it. But it's not one of the more virulent strains of leukemia, and they caught it early."He was optimistic. Chipper, even. Me? Death. That's all I could think about. I'm seventeen years old, looking at the man I love, and thinking about death.I couldn't handle it. Could not handle it. And I did something that I'm not proud of. I bailed.I spent the first day and a half of The Program completely avoiding the guy who was supposed to be my Program partner-not to.
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